


Mystery of Love

by inwardphae



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angry Loki (Marvel), Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Thor (Marvel), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), M/M, Odin doesn't care, Pre-Thor: The Dark World, Protective Thor (Marvel), Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Top Loki (Marvel), Virgin Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 22:08:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14819784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inwardphae/pseuds/inwardphae
Summary: Loki is lost in the void after the destruction of the Bifrost and is held captive in an alien realm.When Odin reveals Loki's true nature, Thor struggles with his feelings and has to make sense of what his brother means to him.He had let go of Gungnir, that he remembered, as well as he remembered Thor’s scream afterwards. That scream. One of the ugliest things he had ever heard in his whole life; there was so much pain, and grief, and even guilt in Thor’s scream. As if he was mourning him already, his brother was mourning and Loki wasn’t even dead. Yet.





	Mystery of Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is a two-chapter fic that investigates the relation between Thor and Loki while under extreme events. 
> 
> **Although not extremely graphic, there are some elements of rape and violence. If you are triggered by these topics, please do not read!**
> 
> English is not my first language and I don't have a beta at the moment, so I do apologize for any mistake you may find.  
> Thank you so much for reading, and please leave a comment if you feel like it! I'd be so grateful!
> 
> \--> This is my tumblr **[](https://giuliawithag.tumblr.com/)**[, follow me if you like. I've recently seen my former account to be deleted and I'm trying to gain back my followers, it would be extremely appreciated!](https://giuliawithag.tumblr.com/)

**Chapter One**

 

 _Lord, I no longer believe_  
_Drowned in living waters_  
_Cursed by the love that I received_  
_From my brother's daughter_  
_Like Hephaestion, who died_  
_Alexander's lover_  
_Now my riverbed has dried_  
_Shall I find no other?_

Sufjan Stevens, Mystery of Love

 

The world was dark. The world had always been quite dark for Loki, but this time it was different. It was as if every hopeless and delusional flame of light that he had kept into his heart for all this time had simply disappeared. Every single feeling, every happy moment cancelled in the space of a second. He was completely alone, but for the first time in his life loneliness wasn’t what he was seeking.

He had let go of Gungnir, that he remembered, as well as he remembered Thor’s scream afterwards. That scream. One of the ugliest things he had ever heard in his whole life; there was so much pain, and grief, and even guilt in Thor’s scream. As if he was mourning him already, his brother was mourning already and Loki wasn’t even dead. Yet.

He had to let go. Making the AllFather proud had been his personal challenge for most of his adult life, and yet nothing was ever enough. Not his intelligence, not his power, not his magic. He was good with magic, Mother taught him well. ‘I’ve never seen someone so young making progresses as astonishing as yours, Loki’ she told him once, and he felt almost fulfilled of his purpose, at that point. But it didn’t last long. If for Frigga he was the perfect son, more sensible than Thor, more attentive, more suited for politics and diplomacy, Odin simply kept saying that he loved him, and that was all. Loki grew to be a king, and yet a king he couldn’t be.

Then, the day came when he discovered the truth about his nature, his skin turned blue and Loki thought that he had never seen anything so repellent in his whole life. He couldn’t let Thor know. All his anger then was directed to his father, to Odin. He shouted cruel words and all he wanted was to make Odin tell him the truth, the whole truth for once. But the Allfather wouldn’t listen to reason. ‘You’re my son’. As if it would be enough at that point. ‘What more than that?’. Silence. And then, word after word, slow and restless, cruel as never before, came the truth. _Because I am the monster that parents tell their children about at night?_

And despite all the lies, despite the purposes of alliance with Laufey through his person, despite all the pain and the disgust that he felt for himself and for Odin, despite everything he still wanted to make him proud. And Thor, _his Thor_ , was alone on Asgard for once. Far away from everything, and he couldn’t help him nor give him any comfort, like he used to do when they were children and Loki couldn’t sleep at night. He didn’t intend to hurt his brother, but that was his only occasion; he could still have made father proud. Killing Laufey, killing _his real father_ , wiping the whole race of Frost Giants off the map. Those who in another life would have been his brothers. How fool he had been, a realisation that caught him at some point while falling into the void. The foolest of them all.

…

‘I refuse to abandon him Father! There must be another way!’. Thor was furious, walking restlessly from one side to the other of the Great Hall of Odin’s house. He couldn’t stop moving, and he couldn’t accept a no for an answer. He couldn’t accept to hear his father’s words, to hear that Loki was dead, or worse lost somewhere in the wormhole without any possibility of return. He couldn’t stop, or he would have felt all the heartbreaking pain for the loss of his brother. Thor had never been one for feelings, and Loki had always been the one able with words. The Thunderer had always seen in his hands and in Mjolnir if not the only answer, certainly the easiest and the more suited for him.

‘He chose his path, Thor. And now he’s lost. We can only mourn him, there’s nothing else to be done if not praying the Norns’.

‘But he is your son, Father!’

‘No Thor, you’re my son. And my heir. Loki’s death is a great loss, but is birthright was to die. We can survive; contrarily, Asgard cannot afford to lose you’.

Thor remained shocked at those words. ‘What-what do you mean?’, asked with trembling voice.

Odin took a deep breath and remained silent for what felt like ages to Thor. He looked so small on his golden throne, Thor thought that he had never seen him so weak and defenceless in all the centuries of his existence. When he started to speak, it was as if a sword of Damocles hanged upon his head. ‘During the last war against Laufey, the casket wasn’t the only thing I took from Jothuneim…’; Thor looked like he was going to interrupt Odin at any point, but the Allfather glared at him eloquently. ‘I was entering the temple when I found a little boy, maybe two or three days old, crying desperately from the basket where he had been deposited. He was incredibly small for a Frost Giant, and he had been left there to die. I took him. I saw a future for Asgard, and an opportunity for a peace with Jothuneim in the future. I couldn’t leave him there’.

Thor was speechless. ‘Was it…?’

‘Yes, it was your brother that I took from Jothuneim. With magic I changed his Jotunn skin to make him look like an Asgardian, and this form is now so deeply fused with his body that he doesn’t -didn’t- even perceive it’.

‘So Loki is a Frost Giant then?’

‘Not only, Thor’

‘What do you mean?’

‘He’s Laufey’s son’

Thor remained silent for endless minutes. He was by nature an impulsive, but this revelation hit his most reflective side. Loki had always been different, he was weaker and smaller than an average Asgardian, but -Thor realised- he was also smaller than all his race. He hardly belonged anywhere. _A Frost Giant._ The Thunderer slaughtered hundreds of them during the years, and often with his brother’s help. They were monsters, everyone knew that. Children grew up in Asgard with murderous stories being told to them about the people of Jothuneim, how could he ever think otherwise?

‘Thor?’

But Loki… Loki was his brother. Loki was his best friend. Yes, it was true that they didn’t really spend much time together in the last decades but they used to be so close when they were younger. Thor never understood him completely when they were talking, and Loki’s words had always been of difficult interpretation –he was known to be the trickster, after all-, but there had been a time when the two of them used to spend countless hours skin against skin. It happened many times that Loki had disturbing nightmares during his sleep, he didn’t recall anything once awake but Thor was always there to comfort him when he woke up at night all sweaty and terrified. Sure, things changed when Thor became of age and Mjolnir recognised him as worthy, but Loki was his brother nonetheless. Nothing could change that.

‘I don’t care, Father. Loki might have been born a Jotunn but he is of Asgard now, and he is my brother. I must go’

‘I forbid you to go!’ shouted the Allfather, that had clearly enough of Thor’s stubbornness.

‘You can cast me out of Asgard again if you wish, I don’t care’.

And with those final words, Thor left the room.

…

At some point during his fall, Loki must have passed out, because when he woke up he found himself lying on the ground of a realm he didn’t remember to have landed on. He felt incredibly tired, as if all his magic had been drained and he was left with the weakest version of his physical strengths. He didn’t know how long he had been falling, it might have been days, weeks or even months. Loki didn’t really care at this point.

When he woke up again, he was surrounded by ten, maybe twelve creatures of the ugliest shape, twice as tall as an average Asgardian, and a bit more than a Frost Giant. They didn’t look particularly friendly, and although not knowing anything about the realm he found himself in, Loki wasn’t really willing to find out if his first impression of that mysterious race had been misleading. The trickster quickly stood up, ignoring the excruciating pain coming from his back, and tried to use his magic to disguise himself and vanish. It didn’t work.

Loki tried again and again while the creatures were closer at every step, and started to panic when none of his attempts turned out to be successful. He looked at his hands with growing terror and tried to back off, hoping to somehow fall in the wormhole again; but the latter was nowhere to be seen.

‘Your magic doesn’t work here, Asgardian’ hissed one of the creatures.

Loki tried not to focus too much on the implication of the creature’s words; if he couldn’t use his magic, he was completely at loss. Attempting to kick out the growing anxiety, and surprised that they spoke his language, Loki tried to establish a conversation, despite all the appearances. ‘I’m sorry if I landed here, I can assure you that it wasn’t at all my intention, and that I shall go away immediately!’

‘You’re not going anywhere, small creature, we can make use of one of your race’

Two of the creatures grabbed his wrists with unexpected strength, and Loki hissed for the pain. He tried to protest and wriggle out from their grip, but for any of Loki’s desperate attempts they simply seemed to be more determined to carry him away. ‘Please! I’m Loki Odinson, I can help you obtain whatever you’re seeking if only you let me go!’

Loki never had to beg once in his life. He’d always had his magic, and not once he had found himself in such a position. The rare times when his powers weren’t enough, and neither his mischiefs were of help, Thor had always been there to intervene, and with Mjolnir at his side it was just a matter of seconds before silence reigned again. But the god of Thunder wasn’t there to help this time, and Loki was alone. 

‘Wait!’ suddenly shouted one of the creatures, the one who seemed in charge of the group, and it approached Loki with a strange look on his monstrous face. It started to sniff Loki’s neck and chest while the trickster tried to back off, confused. ‘What-what are you doing?’

‘You’re no Asgardian!’ said angrily the creature.

‘What? No, of course I am, what do you…’ but the creature didn’t listen. Instead, he pressed a finger on Loki’s forehead and, with Loki’s horror, his skin from milky and pale started gradually to turn blue as his Jotunn marks appeared.

‘He’s a Jotunn, friends!’ the creature shouted again, and they all started to push, forcing him to walk.

Loki whimpered as his hands turned blue as well, and his whole body started to shiver, refusing to go back to his previous form. ‘No, no, no!’ screamed the god, now in a complete state of panic. His legs wouldn’t want to work and he found himself unable to breathe properly as he fell to the ground, his captors unable to make him stand.

 _‘Thor…’_ he thought, a second before passing out.

…

‘Where is Loki, Heimdall? Can you see him?’ asked Thor with urgency. The Bifrost was destroyed, but he still hoped that there was another way to find his brother.

‘I’m not sure of what I am seeing, Thor. Your brother’s sorcery already tricked me once, and when it comes to the Trickster I do not know if I can trust my eyes’

‘But at least you see something Heimdall, right?’

‘Yes, something I see, my prince’

Thor breathed deeply. That Heimdall could see Loki, true or false that his vision was, was still something. It meant that his brother was alive, and possibly strong enough to shield himself from the vision of the guardian of Asgard. And it meant that he wasn’t in the void anymore, that he must have landed somewhere, as nobody -not even Heimdall- could look through a wormhole.

‘And what do you see? Please, tell me!’ Thor’s desperation was starting to grow and be unbearable. Never before in his life he had ever felt so powerless.

‘I see him held captive by a race that it is not of this world, nor of another of the Nine Realms. I see things happening to him, things that I wish not to tell, my prince. He has nothing left of an Asgardian, only a slight resemblance of his previous form’

Thor sighed. He didn’t even know that Loki could change into his Jotunn form, but he was sure enough that he would never do that on purpose. Someone or something must have forced him, as Loki had just tried to destroy what remained of Jothuneim. The Thundered shivered at the thought of the mental pain that his brother must have gone through once discovered the truth about his past, and how much he must feel unease now that he had been deprived of his Asgardian form.

‘Who are they, Heimdall? Tell me!’

‘They are called Chitauri, and I do not believe that many Asgardians have met them before’

‘But how can I reach them, without the Bifrost?’

‘If you really wish to find your brother, the only way his to take the fall like he did. And hope that Mjolnir can open you the way in the void’

The God of Thunder was determined like never before in his life. He would not leave Loki alone, and he couldn’t be king one day if that would mean to bear the weight of guilt for the death of his brother. He summoned Mjolnir, thanked Heimdall and turned away.

‘Thor, wait’

Thor stopped, listening.

‘If you decide to go, you must know. I cannot guarantee a return for you’

The Thunderer nodded. He didn’t care right now, later he would have decided what to do. But for the moment, he owed Loki a fall.

…

When Loki woke up again, he could barely open his eyes. His head hurt incredibly, and his whole body was incredibly sore. For a couple of minutes, he couldn’t focus on anything else but the feeling of chains on his wrists and ankles and on the unbearable thirst that hunted his throat.

Then, it came the anger. The anger for his foolishness, the anger for his weakness, for not being able to fight without his magic. The anger for all the lies that had been told to him, for his entire life. He didn’t know who he was anymore, or how should he feel.

After the anger, it came the fear. He was held in an empty cell, with walls of glass instead of bricks, so that anyone could see him. He was completely naked, and he must have been hardly beaten while he was unconscious, or so he deduced from the numerous bruises everywhere on his sore body. What was worse though, was that he was still in his Jotunn form. Astonished and scared, Loki examined his own body with the realisation that this was what he really was. Not his Asgardian form, not his pale skin, not his green and deep eyes. He was a red-eyed monster, and nothing else.

The Trickster tried to summon all his magic to disguise himself and at least appear to others as his normal self would, but nothing worked. Feeling miserable, he retired to one corner of the cell, holding his legs and pressing his nails into the flesh while trying not to vomit for the disgust that the felt.

And he waited for something, anything, to happen.

Eventually they came, Loki was so tired and robbed of his strength that he almost didn’t notice. There must have been something in the cell that prevented him from healing and resting, and something in the very air of that realm that made impossible to use his magic. He vaguely saw them getting closer, and his only reaction was to curl in on himself even more, the only mean he had to discourage them.

They weren’t particularly impressed, nor they seem to care much about what he wanted. There were two of them, quite determined to get what they wanted as they approached the Trickster. Loki didn’t realise immediately what they were seeking, too busy convincing himself that _that body_ was his body, that the pain he felt was _his pain_ , and not someone else’s. When they touched him, it was simply too late.

Loki perceived those moments as if his soul had left his body and was contemplating everything from the outside. He saw his disgusting Jotunn body stretched to the maximum, his mind going numb as some kind of attempt of self-preservation. He saw those alien hands touching his chest, his legs, his intimacy. Felt those lips on his skin and had the clear, terrible feeling that he wouldn’t ever be clean again.

For a moment, Loki thought that the only thing left to do was simply to keep withdrawing himself from his own body and hide somewhere in his mind, somewhere he wouldn’t be seen, where his body would have stopped aching and his hands trembling. For a moment, Loki thought it could work. Then, he felt something being harshly pressed against his entrance, an excruciating pain extending through every single one of his cells. And he started screaming.

His conscience went from floating numbly around the cell to being trapped in the cruel reality of the misery of his body. His mind was unable to focus on anything else but the thrusts of the creature holding him, the trickles of blood running down his back where the creature’s nails had stabbed him. He was too big, absolutely too big for Loki, he couldn’t take it. He just couldn’t.

When he finished, the other creature claimed his turn. After that, they left him alone, bleeding on the floor. After a while, they came back. Sometimes the same people, sometimes they were different, but they established a routine that Loki in the end accepted gratefully. He knew when he needed to sleep, and he knew when he needed to simply survive the moment. He wasn’t sure he was able to think anymore.

Loki remembered, in a rare moment of consciousness between one rape and the other, that there had been a time where he had wished to keep his virginity intact. Where he had waited, and waited for so long, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t right, that he was a fool. Trying not to think about Thor while his brother visited half of the beds of the Nine Realms, and beyond that. Thor was his brother, and it had been wrong of Loki to desire him so much. _But he wasn’t really his brother, was he?_ Loki had been young, and in one’s youth desires and passion are difficult to contain. Loki had managed, somehow. He grew distant from Thor, became lethargic, apathetic. Even before _he knew._

And yet, somewhere inside he had always hoped. Somewhere so buried inside of him, somewhere so deep that he had almost managed to forget. If he couldn’t have Thor, he wouldn’t have anyone else, that’s what he thought. He wasn’t interested in people anyway, and people didn’t usually like him. Loki was fine with that. He had better things to do, after all.

Well, not now. A certain awareness reached him at that very moment; finished were those days, and he was doomed to die very soon, and being viciously tortured in the meantime. Thor wasn’t there to save him, there was no one.

…

‘Brother...?’

Thor widened his eyes at the sight in front of him. He had entered the palace, rained destruction everywhere around him, and he had _sensed_ Loki’s presence, hidden somewhere near. The fall through the void hadn’t been the easiest one, but for every moment Thor spent in that hell is determination grew even more. For every moment, Loki could have been suffering terribly without him to help. He had time to think, while Mjolnir guided him; he knew Loki had assumed his Jotunn form, he knew he would have been different. But nothing prepared him for what he was seeing.

Loki was abandoned in the left corner of his cell, his chest moving up and down hectically as if he didn’t have enough air to breathe or enough strength to make his lungs function. He was… smaller, definitely smaller than an average Frost Giant, and weaker, but he still had the look of one. Thor shivered eloquently while coming closer. He was trying to find something _-anything-_ to recognise his brother, to realize that Loki was still there under that alien skin. Then, a painful whimper escaped from Loki, and Thor focused. He looked feverish, the blue of his skin was paler than it was supposed to be.

And then, Thor saw it. Loki’s thighs were covered in dried blood and he couldn’t stop trembling. The Thundered tried to suppress a horrified moan, falling on his knees as he tried to approach Loki’s body, somehow.  

Loki opened slightly his eyes, seeing nothing except for a golden, shining figure that he couldn’t keep in focus. He thought he heard something, something close.

‘Thor...?’

The golden god looked at him in the red eyes, and despite the unusual colour and the look of deep terror, he recognized his brother, the way he used to roll his eyes, the peculiar way he had to blink repeatedly.

‘I’m here Loki, I’m here. I am sorry, oh I am so sorry’

‘It’s been a lifetime’ said Loki with immense effort, with the hint of a smile on his face.

‘I know, I know, I’m so sorry…’ Thor approached him and tried to caress him on the cheek when a sudden and sharp pain hit him. The god looked in disbelief at the tips of his fingers turning dark blue.

‘W-what was that?’ asked Loki, who just felt as if more energy was taken out of him.

‘I-I think you just frost-bite me, brother’

The younger god shivered, trying to curl up even more. ‘I don’t… I don’t know how to shift back to…my magic doesn’t…’. The words died on his lips, it was too much effort. Thor tried to smile at him. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll find a way’. He didn’t mention that he didn’t even know how to get back home, or that he had no idea of what to do, where to go. He took his own cloak and wrapped Loki with it, lifting him off the ground while doing so, careful not to touch his skin. Loki shivered in distress and simply closed his eyes the moment he was in Thor’s arms.

‘Everything will be alright, Loki. Try to sleep now’

And Loki did. _Everything was going to be alright._


End file.
